Hello everyone!
The sun is shining in Glasgow this week and I got to say, I feel pretty bright and breezy, not just because it's Friday you understand but I have breathing space (mentally)!
This week has been a roller coaster of emotions for myself in particular as I am getting the keys to my new flat! Yaaaay. All good but then I got a little 'over emotional' when I started looking at my finances.
Yes, I can afford a new place which is great! It's the dark and lonely place that everyone faces and I mean everyone! It's called Debt...
Now most of you will read this, roll your eyes and think, 'oh great, another blog about how to manage money.' *clicks close*
No honey, it's about how to manage your mindset about the situation and learn to talk to people. This week I've been frantically talking to my bank, trying to sort out plans for my future and now, as I'm typing this to you, I feel totally at ease.
The lady in the bank, Jane is her name, told me that it wasn't a sign of weakness what I was doing, but courage. I'm simply holding my hands up, bringing my stubbornness to a halt and saying, hey, I need help. There is nothing wrong with this.
I came out feeling 100 times better about myself and my situation.
Now, the lesson this week is more of a don't worry about it mindset, but the truth is, you'll worry until it's finished. I'm a worrier, so there will be times I'll be screaming into my pillow and thinking of all these situations that are not and will never happen. Thanks anxiety!
I've chosen to take the thought process of being free. Let's face it, no man or woman is an island, you can move forward, open up and ask for the help.
There is a catch to this.... you have to let go of the fear and the stubbornness. It's not as easy as it sounds by the way... but it's doable.
I wish you all the best with forward thinking.
Please let me know how you get on and remember, we're all in this together.
Peace!xo
Cxxx
Friday 5 May 2017
Thursday 27 April 2017
Fortune Cookie
Hello everyone!
I would say happy April, but I think I'm a little late for that!
I apologise I've not been blogging much due to work commitments, trying to exercise, text everyone back, maintain a social life, spend time/gaming with the other half and catch up on Netflix.
So we are slowly approaching May and as I sit here listening to my Dad have a karaoke session to himself, I open a Fortune Cookie I was given that evening.
Now, usually I don't pay attention to the messages inside, I just eat the cookie and have a giggle at the messages, but this time, my message made me feel positive about my current situation.
My message - 'The current year will bring you much happiness.'
This made me reflect on this time last year, I felt I could settle where I was and that things would get better if I just ignored them. I doubted myself, I thought I was the problem and I needed to fix my feelings and 'get happy'.
Getting happy isn't easy. You need to make sacrifices. When my last relationship broke down, I walked away from toxic feelings, a home I loved, and someone I thought I loved. I moved back with my parent, feeling the lowest I've ever felt. Forever blaming myself and I let myself go, not only with my weight, but I stopped looking after myself, I took too much on to 'keep busy' and eventually I had to leave a job that just got too much for me, break away from people in general and find myself again.
Six months later, I'm in a new relationship with someone I did not expect, I am waiting for confirmation on my new flat, I have the job that I wanted and love very much and I have a partner, family and friends that support my decisions.
As we approach May, the air is a little warmer, the sky is bluer, and the grass is greener, so to speak, and I can finally say with confidence that I'm happy. Not only with the optimistic future I have but I am finally happy with myself and I can say yes, I have found inner peace.
Now, please say you know that movie, The Shawshank Redemption? Good. If not, watch it, don't be silly. Anyway, That movie taught me that sometimes you need to crawl through dark tunnels that smell and that are surrounded with shit to get out clean and happy on the other side. I believe this.
Everyone has their own definition of 'happy' and I have finally found mine! Even if it took a fortune cookie to tell me so...
Happy reading! <3
Cx
I would say happy April, but I think I'm a little late for that!
I apologise I've not been blogging much due to work commitments, trying to exercise, text everyone back, maintain a social life, spend time/gaming with the other half and catch up on Netflix.
So we are slowly approaching May and as I sit here listening to my Dad have a karaoke session to himself, I open a Fortune Cookie I was given that evening.
Now, usually I don't pay attention to the messages inside, I just eat the cookie and have a giggle at the messages, but this time, my message made me feel positive about my current situation.
My message - 'The current year will bring you much happiness.'
This made me reflect on this time last year, I felt I could settle where I was and that things would get better if I just ignored them. I doubted myself, I thought I was the problem and I needed to fix my feelings and 'get happy'.
Getting happy isn't easy. You need to make sacrifices. When my last relationship broke down, I walked away from toxic feelings, a home I loved, and someone I thought I loved. I moved back with my parent, feeling the lowest I've ever felt. Forever blaming myself and I let myself go, not only with my weight, but I stopped looking after myself, I took too much on to 'keep busy' and eventually I had to leave a job that just got too much for me, break away from people in general and find myself again.
Six months later, I'm in a new relationship with someone I did not expect, I am waiting for confirmation on my new flat, I have the job that I wanted and love very much and I have a partner, family and friends that support my decisions.
As we approach May, the air is a little warmer, the sky is bluer, and the grass is greener, so to speak, and I can finally say with confidence that I'm happy. Not only with the optimistic future I have but I am finally happy with myself and I can say yes, I have found inner peace.
Now, please say you know that movie, The Shawshank Redemption? Good. If not, watch it, don't be silly. Anyway, That movie taught me that sometimes you need to crawl through dark tunnels that smell and that are surrounded with shit to get out clean and happy on the other side. I believe this.
Everyone has their own definition of 'happy' and I have finally found mine! Even if it took a fortune cookie to tell me so...
Happy reading! <3
Cx
Saturday 11 March 2017
Don't Be Afraid to Take Time Out
Hi everyone!
I'm back!
Firstly, apologies for being so quiet. I've had a lot of demons to put back into their boxes.
The past eight months have got to be the worst I've endured. Not all of those days were bad. I had some great days but lots of those days I wish I could forget.
I was a little disheartened about a month ago. I was told by a few people that when I write my blogs, I'm a different person and that I shouldn't be writing because I'm a hypocrite. For those who take the time to read my blogs, I thank you. I thank you for having that little bit of faith in me. For those who don't think my blogs are good enough, you're still reading them right?
I had to take time away from friends, work and some family. I had to take time for myself. As selfish as it may sound, I urge those who are going through hard times, whether it be mentally or physically, take the time out from work, take time to discover yourself again. As much as I felt guilty for doing it, I'm a lot happier. I'm also writing again!
I never thought I would go back to writing but I learned that no matter how much people criticize you, they still choose to read your blogs, follow your social media, and why? To make themselves feel better,
I have recently made some hard decisions too. My job was one of them. I had to make a move into something completely different and start again in a different industry. As much as I thought about staying in the same place and just 'make it work', I decided that no matter how mentally challenging it would be to meet new people, settle into a different environment, the move would either make or break me. So far, I'm making the best of what I have. I made the right decision after doing one day in my new environment.
Taking the steps to move is tricky, whether it be work or home. If it feels right, do it.
The same goes for new relationships. I never thought I would meet someone who could put up with me, even through my mood swings! Most of us humans doubt ourselves, we tend to become someone else when you meet someone new, we become the person we aspire to be and eventually make ourselves miserable.
Personally, I've learned to let that go and just be myself. I find some days where I get a little scared, but I remember the long term. I need to make myself happy before I can make someone else happy.
It's early days, but this is the happiest I've been in four years.
There are days where I wake up scared but happy. Change is a good thing. It feels scary and it puts a lot of people off. Stick with your gut and don't be afraid to take the time out, don't be afraid to admit that you need help and that you aren't coping at the moment.
Start this week a fresh and if it rains, smile. Monday is just another day, take something good from each day and it will get easier.
Have a wonderful week.
Cx
I'm back!
Firstly, apologies for being so quiet. I've had a lot of demons to put back into their boxes.
The past eight months have got to be the worst I've endured. Not all of those days were bad. I had some great days but lots of those days I wish I could forget.
I was a little disheartened about a month ago. I was told by a few people that when I write my blogs, I'm a different person and that I shouldn't be writing because I'm a hypocrite. For those who take the time to read my blogs, I thank you. I thank you for having that little bit of faith in me. For those who don't think my blogs are good enough, you're still reading them right?
I had to take time away from friends, work and some family. I had to take time for myself. As selfish as it may sound, I urge those who are going through hard times, whether it be mentally or physically, take the time out from work, take time to discover yourself again. As much as I felt guilty for doing it, I'm a lot happier. I'm also writing again!
I never thought I would go back to writing but I learned that no matter how much people criticize you, they still choose to read your blogs, follow your social media, and why? To make themselves feel better,
I have recently made some hard decisions too. My job was one of them. I had to make a move into something completely different and start again in a different industry. As much as I thought about staying in the same place and just 'make it work', I decided that no matter how mentally challenging it would be to meet new people, settle into a different environment, the move would either make or break me. So far, I'm making the best of what I have. I made the right decision after doing one day in my new environment.
Taking the steps to move is tricky, whether it be work or home. If it feels right, do it.
The same goes for new relationships. I never thought I would meet someone who could put up with me, even through my mood swings! Most of us humans doubt ourselves, we tend to become someone else when you meet someone new, we become the person we aspire to be and eventually make ourselves miserable.
Personally, I've learned to let that go and just be myself. I find some days where I get a little scared, but I remember the long term. I need to make myself happy before I can make someone else happy.
It's early days, but this is the happiest I've been in four years.
There are days where I wake up scared but happy. Change is a good thing. It feels scary and it puts a lot of people off. Stick with your gut and don't be afraid to take the time out, don't be afraid to admit that you need help and that you aren't coping at the moment.
Start this week a fresh and if it rains, smile. Monday is just another day, take something good from each day and it will get easier.
Have a wonderful week.
Cx
Monday 16 January 2017
Happy, Healthy & Hopeful
Hi everyone!
It's been a while since I've flourished you all with my rambling wisdom!
January is a fresh start for everyone. Whether it be a new fitness regime, a promise to yourself that you won't sniff chocolate let alone eat it, or remain sober for thirty days or more, we all have a goal and we set out with good intentions but fall at the last hurdle (usually).
I stopped going to the gym two months ago, drank heavily for five months, lost my abs, ate everything (and yes, I mean everything) in sight!
My goal was to get back to the gym, eat better, drink water and look after my skin. I'm sixteen days in and I'm feeling so much better, and I truly mean that. My skin has looked better than it's ever looked, I feel awake (most mornings anyway), and I'm beginning to enjoy being in the kitchen again as opposed to picking up the phone for a take away.
I'm feeling better within myself and I'm mentally getting better with the right tools.
I've had some feedback from you guys about my blogs and how they wish to be as positive. My message to you all is that you can. I had to give myself a good talking to and take my own advice but I'm beginning to get happy and be comfortable on my own again.
Here's what I'm doing at the minute.
1. Setting goals - no matter how small they seem, write them down.
2. Don't set a deadline - you'll meet the goal, no matter how long it takes.
3. Don't put pressure on yourself - the only limit is you, but if something doesn't feel right, trust it.
4. There is no expiry date on happiness.
These are tough but fair points. It had taken me time to start taking my own advice but I did it for the better. I hope at least one of these points help you with your journey.
Have a happy week!
Peace!
Cx
It's been a while since I've flourished you all with my rambling wisdom!
January is a fresh start for everyone. Whether it be a new fitness regime, a promise to yourself that you won't sniff chocolate let alone eat it, or remain sober for thirty days or more, we all have a goal and we set out with good intentions but fall at the last hurdle (usually).
I stopped going to the gym two months ago, drank heavily for five months, lost my abs, ate everything (and yes, I mean everything) in sight!
My goal was to get back to the gym, eat better, drink water and look after my skin. I'm sixteen days in and I'm feeling so much better, and I truly mean that. My skin has looked better than it's ever looked, I feel awake (most mornings anyway), and I'm beginning to enjoy being in the kitchen again as opposed to picking up the phone for a take away.
I'm feeling better within myself and I'm mentally getting better with the right tools.
I've had some feedback from you guys about my blogs and how they wish to be as positive. My message to you all is that you can. I had to give myself a good talking to and take my own advice but I'm beginning to get happy and be comfortable on my own again.
Here's what I'm doing at the minute.
1. Setting goals - no matter how small they seem, write them down.
2. Don't set a deadline - you'll meet the goal, no matter how long it takes.
3. Don't put pressure on yourself - the only limit is you, but if something doesn't feel right, trust it.
4. There is no expiry date on happiness.
These are tough but fair points. It had taken me time to start taking my own advice but I did it for the better. I hope at least one of these points help you with your journey.
Have a happy week!
Peace!
Cx
Friday 30 December 2016
New Year, New Visions, New Plans.
Hi everyone!
Let's do a recap on 2016, we have a new Prime Minister in the UK, The USA have a new President, we lost some amazing celebrities through some horrible illnesses and accidents, the UK are in the process of leaving the EU, the cost of living has increased, Andy Murray wins Wimbledon (again), hate crime has increased throughout the world, rail fares increased by 1.1% throughout the UK and Royal Mail raises their stamp prices by a penny.
So, my 2016 has been eventful to say the least. A few years ago I made plans, plan with people, plans for myself and I didn't stick to the plans as you can imagine. Like most people, plans change, people change, even when they don't want to change, sometimes it just happens. I planned on having my own flat, which happened, I planned on being engaged at some point, that didn't happen, partly my fault, I planned on fulfilling my dreams of becoming a nurse, I didn't go through with that when I started, I quit after 6 months, and I even planned on having a kid at some point...
Put it this way, this was my first Christmas on my own. Not physically you understand, but without a partner.
I hope you are all enjoying the festivities!
Let's do a recap on 2016, we have a new Prime Minister in the UK, The USA have a new President, we lost some amazing celebrities through some horrible illnesses and accidents, the UK are in the process of leaving the EU, the cost of living has increased, Andy Murray wins Wimbledon (again), hate crime has increased throughout the world, rail fares increased by 1.1% throughout the UK and Royal Mail raises their stamp prices by a penny.
So, my 2016 has been eventful to say the least. A few years ago I made plans, plan with people, plans for myself and I didn't stick to the plans as you can imagine. Like most people, plans change, people change, even when they don't want to change, sometimes it just happens. I planned on having my own flat, which happened, I planned on being engaged at some point, that didn't happen, partly my fault, I planned on fulfilling my dreams of becoming a nurse, I didn't go through with that when I started, I quit after 6 months, and I even planned on having a kid at some point...
Put it this way, this was my first Christmas on my own. Not physically you understand, but without a partner.
For most, Christmas is a happy time, it's a time where we all come together and get merry and this year, I spent it with my father and I couldn't be more thankful. For the past 5/6 months my dad has been there for all my emotional breakdowns, my 'I'm not going to work' days, to my 'I'm going to eat this cake' days but he's also been there for my good days. The days I've smiled, laughed and been happy sober.
I've not been sober this whole time you understand. I had a fling with alcohol for a while. Mainly because it made me feel lighter in the head, happier, even helped me sleep at some point. In the morning, I would feel a sense of regret, sadness, hurting, mostly loneliness.
My plan next month is to get sober and better.
I've made a lot of commitments and travel plans for 2017. I will try and fulfill them all as best I can! I've made the usual goals such as quit smoking, go back to the gym and not to eat all the pies, well you know what? I'm going to eat everything in sight, while I run on a treadmill. I'll stop smoking when I've had enough. My goal for 2017, my main goal is to not put any pressure on myself. None what so ever.
I mean, putting pressure on yourself is pointless. It causes nothing but more stress and the temptation to not reach your goals because we have a fight with our-self and end up convincing ourselves to 'have a break'. Life is too short to put pressure on yourself, continue to go at your own pace and reach your goals, even if it takes you longer than a year.
So I send a short message for you all, as we wave 2016 goodbye, I want to be able to let go, and I will let go. Not because I don't care, but mostly because I care enough to leave some things alone, for my sake, for other peoples sake. I'm letting go because I can't move forward otherwise. I encourage those who need to let go, do it. There is nothing worse than being angry with yourself and regretting and as much as we want to change things and make a difference, maybe now is not the time and sitting wondering why, it's not really going to get you anywhere, is it?
I hope you all have a wonderful New Year.
Stay safe!
Cat
I've not been sober this whole time you understand. I had a fling with alcohol for a while. Mainly because it made me feel lighter in the head, happier, even helped me sleep at some point. In the morning, I would feel a sense of regret, sadness, hurting, mostly loneliness.
My plan next month is to get sober and better.
I've made a lot of commitments and travel plans for 2017. I will try and fulfill them all as best I can! I've made the usual goals such as quit smoking, go back to the gym and not to eat all the pies, well you know what? I'm going to eat everything in sight, while I run on a treadmill. I'll stop smoking when I've had enough. My goal for 2017, my main goal is to not put any pressure on myself. None what so ever.
I mean, putting pressure on yourself is pointless. It causes nothing but more stress and the temptation to not reach your goals because we have a fight with our-self and end up convincing ourselves to 'have a break'. Life is too short to put pressure on yourself, continue to go at your own pace and reach your goals, even if it takes you longer than a year.
So I send a short message for you all, as we wave 2016 goodbye, I want to be able to let go, and I will let go. Not because I don't care, but mostly because I care enough to leave some things alone, for my sake, for other peoples sake. I'm letting go because I can't move forward otherwise. I encourage those who need to let go, do it. There is nothing worse than being angry with yourself and regretting and as much as we want to change things and make a difference, maybe now is not the time and sitting wondering why, it's not really going to get you anywhere, is it?
I hope you all have a wonderful New Year.
Stay safe!
Cat
Monday 12 December 2016
Love Each Other As Well As Yourself
Hi everyone!
It's quarter past midnight on a Tuesday and I was scrolling through my Twitter feed when I noticed some gamer girls just like me, posting their selfies of new piercings, tattoos or just because they felt like it! Do you know what I noticed? I noticed a girl tweeting the other girl saying how pretty she looked and it made me warm inside.
This also made me think why we don't compliment each other genuinely all the time? Women are the biggest critiques I believe. The minute a woman walks into a room, other women look at her appearance, listen to her laugh, the way she speaks and watch the way she carries herself.
I sometimes hear women compliment other women, some I hear things like 'why is she wearing that?' etc. I'm even guilty of it myself!
I thought to myself, if I want to be seen as a nice person, who takes care of themselves then I feel I need to view others this way. Not judge them you understand, but if I feel they need a compliment then don't be afraid to do it!
There are lots of people who get accused of flirting or being too friendly when they compliment someone but I find it harmless.
So for this week, I challenge you all to compliment someone and mean it! Not just on their appearance, but if they are doing a good job at work, or if they have made a decision to make a plan and go for it, support them and compliment their efforts!
Life isn't a race, so we should help each other along the way.
Our graves will look exactly the same in the end, so stay humble.
Have a great rest of the week!
Cx
Twitter:
@shotgunkitten_
Facebook:
@CatGillanNovels
Wednesday 7 December 2016
On a Festive Note...
Hello everyone!
It's hump day, the day most people start to wind down towards the weekend.
This week has been a strange one but in a good way!
I've mentioned my mother before, but she has started her own business making hampers and baby gifts such as hand-knitted toys and nappy cakes. She makes her own Gingerbread Men, Chutneys and Jams. She's pretty good at it too!
This week I helped her with the Christmas fare in the local primary school, helping her attempt to sell her items. My mother is new to the idea of her very own business, so she was a little apprehensive but we got there in the end.
I loved watching the people move around each stall, all the children annoying their parents to buy them items that they could probably get at Christmas anyway and I witnessed a little girl buy things for her parents Christmas.
Now, there are two points to my rambling gibberish this week.
1 - If you have a spark to try something new, then do it. Let the flame lighten and just watch it explode into flames. Now, this sounds dangerous so allow me to give you something lighter.
Imagine you have a seed. You plant the seed in your garden. For this seed to grow and flourish, you need to water the seed, make sure it's taken care of and one day it can blossom into something beautiful, however if you don't take care of that seed and you don't water it, or take care of it, it will just remain as it's always been, a seed hidden in the ground.
Take this and follow it for 2017.
2 - Christmas is usually one of my favourite holidays, but this year it's been a little strange for me. It bothered me for months that I wouldn't have someone to share Christmas with this year. How wrong was I...
For Christmas morning, I will visit my mother, step father and brothers, and of course, Mikey (the dog). I'll spend some time there and then have dinner and drinks with my father. We'll cook the meal together, eat it and head to the pub (hopefully).
I might not have a partner to share Christmas with but I am not alone. So to my singletons out there, don't be bummed about not having someone when you have friends and family around you. Take comfort in knowing that you have them around you because not everyone has that gift at Christmas.
So, on a lighter note! Are you all looking forward to the festivities? I know I am.
I have so much planned for 2017/18 and I plan on going through with each and everyone of the plans, even if it's on my own, I'll take comfort in saying 'Hey! I did that!'
I hope your festivities are full of happiness.
Have a wonderful Christmas!
Cat
It's hump day, the day most people start to wind down towards the weekend.
This week has been a strange one but in a good way!
I've mentioned my mother before, but she has started her own business making hampers and baby gifts such as hand-knitted toys and nappy cakes. She makes her own Gingerbread Men, Chutneys and Jams. She's pretty good at it too!
This week I helped her with the Christmas fare in the local primary school, helping her attempt to sell her items. My mother is new to the idea of her very own business, so she was a little apprehensive but we got there in the end.
I loved watching the people move around each stall, all the children annoying their parents to buy them items that they could probably get at Christmas anyway and I witnessed a little girl buy things for her parents Christmas.
Now, there are two points to my rambling gibberish this week.
1 - If you have a spark to try something new, then do it. Let the flame lighten and just watch it explode into flames. Now, this sounds dangerous so allow me to give you something lighter.
Imagine you have a seed. You plant the seed in your garden. For this seed to grow and flourish, you need to water the seed, make sure it's taken care of and one day it can blossom into something beautiful, however if you don't take care of that seed and you don't water it, or take care of it, it will just remain as it's always been, a seed hidden in the ground.
Take this and follow it for 2017.
2 - Christmas is usually one of my favourite holidays, but this year it's been a little strange for me. It bothered me for months that I wouldn't have someone to share Christmas with this year. How wrong was I...
For Christmas morning, I will visit my mother, step father and brothers, and of course, Mikey (the dog). I'll spend some time there and then have dinner and drinks with my father. We'll cook the meal together, eat it and head to the pub (hopefully).
I might not have a partner to share Christmas with but I am not alone. So to my singletons out there, don't be bummed about not having someone when you have friends and family around you. Take comfort in knowing that you have them around you because not everyone has that gift at Christmas.
So, on a lighter note! Are you all looking forward to the festivities? I know I am.
I have so much planned for 2017/18 and I plan on going through with each and everyone of the plans, even if it's on my own, I'll take comfort in saying 'Hey! I did that!'
I hope your festivities are full of happiness.
Have a wonderful Christmas!
Cat
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